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If you can't learn to love, don't love at all.



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The Question of who messed up in the relationship always finds a very quick accusing finger; it is the person telling the story of a heartbreak that ultimately has the answer: suggesting the other party screwed up everything. This is both true and false, for the most part; it is the accusing finger that really messed up stuff. We should get used to taking the blame, we should unlearn looking for someone to blame, and we ought to learn to love: loving is learned, it is mastered, and it is a repetitive cycle of working very hard to be better lovers.

I think it takes a long time to find an article that resonates well on love. When I find one, I wish every one of us that aims at being a better love reads it, because love is the most important and strongest force on earth. We want beautiful pure adulterated love but we are so lazy to make an effort to earn it, we forget love needs some effort, some refute that but here’s the reality especially when everything goes ripe over the bend: these were our choices, every step of the way, and that state which we’ve found ourselves falling in and out of is not real love. Real love is an act of will. A decision. A conscious activity. It is something you do and live. Love is chosen, and if it is protected and nurtured, it grows. Love is sacrifice. Love is effort. Love is everything St. Paul describes in First Corinthians, and especially in Ephesians 5: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” Love is dying to the self. Love is many things, and none of them happen by accident.

We are poor lovers because we have been taught to love the wrong way, we have been taught the wrong verbs and adjectives to spell the word love: we are poor receptors and givers of love. Sugarcoating love doesn’t cut, it makes love more vulnerable: love is a journey full of tidal waves. It can be tough, ugly and it can be smooth. I love to look at love like a Poem, and this analogy often brings me to what Gwendolyn Brooks gave to her students as a piece of advice, In writing your poem, tell the truth as you know it. Tell your truth. Don’t try to sugar it up. Don’t force your poem to be nice or proper or normal or happy if it does not want to be. Remember that poetry is life distilled and that life is not always nice or proper or normal or happy or smooth or even-edged.



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